STORIES WHAT PARENTS MAY EXPERIENCE DISCOVERING YOUR IDENTITY

Coming out?

Coming out is different for everyone

There is no ‘right or wrong’ way to acknowledge to others who you are. Some people find coming out a natural and inevitable part of their growing up. Others find coming out emotionally heavy-going. In either case, most people find acknowledging their sexual identity to themselves and others is ultimately liberating and freeing.

Coming out usually starts with acknowledging to yourself who you are. You may find that the ‘labels’ don’t fit exactly how you feel about yourself. You may not be sure of your sexual orientation, and It’s OK to be unsure.

It may be helpful to use your own words to describe how you feel rather than adopt a word that you may not feel absolutely comfortable using to describe yourself, or that you think others may misunderstand.

Coming out can be challenging

Challenging b oth to yourself and to others, so be gentle with yourself. Don’t blame yourself if you find things difficult, or if things don’t go according to plan. Get support from others, talk to someone you can trust. Rainbow Youth can help.

If you can’t find the way to come out or the words to use, you probably aren’t ready to tell others. Take your time, think things over. Remember that this probably isn’t ever going to be an easy thing to do.

Be respectful of others, they may find your 'coming out' to them challenging, too. You deserve respect from others.

Experiencing fear and anxiety about telling others that you feel same-sex attraction and/or are needing to transition to your true gender, are normal. Abuse and rejection are not.

Listen to your instincts

If you feel pressured or feel that you can’t trust someone. Take control and make a choice to wait or not tell them how you feel. If you feel unsafe, remove yourself and get help.

Look after yourself, this can be a stressful time. Take things slowly, think things over, talk to others, get plenty of sleep, eat properly, do things that help you relax. Use groups like Rainbow Youth, Youthline, Lifeline, Gay/lesbian line, a school guidance counselor or teacher for support and advice.

Coming out shouldn’t mean that you have to change anything. You may choose to change or you may not. You are in charge of your appearance, behaviour and thoughts. Don’t feel like you have to change to fit other people’s expectations.

When you choose to come out to someone, choose your time carefully. Think about what may be happening in the other person’s life at that time. Are they too stressed to be able to help you? Are they listening? Is it safe? Listen to your instincts.

You don’t come out just once

Often when we meet someone new, change a job or school or reply to an invitation we find ourselves coming out. We have to defining ourselves as someone who is not heterosexual, and who may therefore have a same sex partner or friendship that we’d like acknowledged in a way that is equal to those of straight people. It feels daunting, to be faced with constantly outing yourself. You should find it easier as time goes on and you will probably develop a growing confidence gained from a healthy sense of self-respect that comes from acknowledging who you are to yourself.

There are huge gains from being ‘out’. These include boosting your confidence, gaining a sense of freedom, gaining respect from others, deepening relationships and fulfillment of self-expression.

Still trying to find your way? Join one of our groups and meet others like you

Already out? Come along to one our groups

ph~ 09 376 4155 | fx~ 09 368 5596 | 281 Karangahape Road, Newton

w w w . r a i n b o w y o u t h . o r g . n z