Showing that you still love or care about someone you know who may feel same-sex attraction or gender difference
- Don’t be offended if they don’t tell you right away.
Sometimes people need time to work it through themselves.
- Reassure them that it’s normal to question things about themselves, such as their sexuality or gender identity. Tell them they are not alone. Don’t tell them it’s a phase. It may or not be true for them.
- Give affirmation for their integrity to be true to themselves.
- Don’t spread gossip about your friends/family members - treasure the fact they have shared this with you
- Don't use labels or define the person as gay.
The need is generally for clarification of feelings. Make sure they’re feeling good about themselves and remind them that being attracted to another person is a very cool thing. Regardless of that persons gender.
- What ever you do don’t tell them that they are going to Hell. Hey that is as mean as emotional abuse.
- Let them explore their feelings and personal beliefs.
Take an interest in queer culture and identity so that they can talk to you about their new experiences. i.e. queer film festival, big gay out
- Support their desire to explore developing identity within the queer community, and among friends and family/whanau networks.
- Help identify key people who will react positively i.e. a teacher, parent or guidance counsellor. Support them to tell these people first.
- Provide support for and acceptance of their new friends/partners in the same ways as you would for heterosexual people
- Your friend/family member may be able to identify the kind of support that is needed and choose where to access it. There could be resentment about the unnecessary loneliness and pain experienced when younger. There may be concern that others do not have to endure a similar experience. Continue to give support and acceptance as above.
- It may seem that your friend/family member has full personal acceptance of their orientation, however, they may still experience negative responses from people in society. Acknowledge their courage. Be an advocate that the problem is not queer sexual/gender, but people's lack of acceptance of it.
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